Hey, Collin, first of all, I love the layout you chose for your storybook page. The full moon picture is intriguing and lends itself well to the theme of your storybook. Your introduction is great. It is a good lead-in and definitely makes me want to read more. I like the concept of the stories being told by a father to his daughter because for the most part, Native American traditions are passed down through oral storytelling - so the dad telling the stories to the daughter follows that tradition perfectly. A few notes, first - a little editing goes a long way. There are just a couple typos and a few grammar errors that can distract the reader and take away from your otherwise wonderful storytelling. The only other suggestion I have would be to add just a bit more description of the setting; you are off to a good start but just a few lines about "ghostly apparitions dancing in the firelight," or something like that would set the tone for the ghostly stories to come. Other than those minor things I think you are off to a fantastic start!
Hi Collin! Brianica accidentally left this post on someone else's comment wall but "Suzy"shows it is meant for you, so I'm pasting it in here: ======== Brianica Steenbock
Your topic sounded like it would be interesting, which is why I choose to read your introduction. I just got done reading the first post to your final project. Let me start off by saying you did a very good job of introducing your characters to the audience and grabbing the reader’s attention. I am very interested to hear the type of stories that little Suzy’s father will tell her. From the reader’s perspective, I think your introduction did a very good job. The only thing I find myself wishing you would have included was histories. I feel like the father is a historian in some manner and would have given the reader a little bit more information on how these tales originated. One thing that wasn’t quite clear to me is if Suzy is a child or not. You said that her mother died “when she was a child”, so if she a teen?Either way, you have done a great job.
Hey Collin! I thought the graphic design of your project is perfect. The black and white mixed with the moon truly sets the mood for the scary stories to come. What I really liked about your introduction was the description of how spooky it was yet how unaffected her and the dad were. I think this is a good way to express that they themselves aren't in the scary scenes but this allows for them to explain the horror in upcoming stories. One thing I was wondering is if you could possibly make one of the ghost stories about her mom dying. I think if you wanted to somehow make a native american ghost story about the mom it could be entertaining. I was also wondering if the two have any history to Native Americans themselves. What if you wrote a story about them writing a story together that turned into a horror story (a storyception as one might call it). Overall great work on this and can't wait to continue reading your stories.
I really like the dark look your front page has. I wonder if it would carry the creepy mood into the introduction and stories if you reversed your colors, using a black background and white or light grey text. Your introduction has me interested, I really enjoyed the concept of a father retelling scary stories to his daughter. Curious to see how the actual stories will be presented. Are they going to be told as if the dad is narrating with Suzy interrupting, or will each be told as if the person who the story originated from is speaking? Your intro reads really well and is well written, but feels a little short, like something might be missing. More background on Suzy and her father, or more about the people he visited might add a little something to prepare readers for the stories. Overall, you’ve done a great job and I’m looking forward to reading more from you.
Hi Collin! Wow, I am really impressed with your introduction. It's fun and easy to read and sets the scene for the upcoming stories very well. I especially like the father/daughter relationship, which is very sweet, set against the dark and scary mood that comes with ghost stories. Also, you've done a great job mixing dialogue and description, making for a lively, detailed story. I think adding a dark/moody picture at the top of your introduction might help complement the tone of the dark hallway and shadows right from the beginning. If you were looking to add anything to the introduction, you might think about including a short description of the lands that the father traveled to. Knowing the sights, smells, and sounds of the places where the stories are from might help the reader to construct a more complete mental image when you tell the stories themselves. Again, I really enjoyed reading your introduction and am excited to see the rest of this Storybook!
Hello Collin! I hope you are doing well. My initial thought to the layout on your main page was that it is very beautiful. I like the dark essence of the background and the way it goes with your title. I am also a fan of the night sky so that plays its part also. I only have one critique on your intro and that is that there are two spaces between “north” and “and” towards the end of your story. There are a couple other areas where there might be two spaces between words also. Other than that, I have all positive things to say about your introduction. It is very well written. I could read it all in one setting without getting bored or multitasking with something else. It kept my attention and that is a major part of storytelling. I look forward to reading your stories in the upcoming weeks!
Hey Collin hows it going man. I really liked the layout of your page. While first reading your story, I was wondering if maybe one of the stories she heard came to life and maybe something real was gonna come for her, and I guess that is still a possible direction, but now I am more interested in the stories of the Native people. I am curious as to what legends you'll write about and how stories like the Wendigo differ from the stories I currently know about them.
Hi Collin! You chose such a creative topic! Native American ghost stories must be so interesting and I can't wait to read them! Your blog is set up so nicely and the picture you used really help set the tone. The one on the home page is great but where is the one for the introduction? A good one might be of Suzy's father's study with the leather chair and the fire place. Usually those have a little darker lighting so I think that would keep with that spooky aesthetic if that is what you are going for. Your introduction was great! It was short and sweet and introduced us to everything we needed to know. Are we going to learn more about Suzy and her father or will we just be hearing the ghost stories? Either way I think this will be such a good Storybook! Can’t wait to read more!
Hey Collin. This introduction for a storybook project has become my favorite!! You have done an amazing job. You started off with some basic information about your main characters and then went straight into what your future stories were going to be about. Even though you don’t give us much information about Suzy mom dying, I don’t feel it is portent to the future of the story. I really like the Indian Jones feeling from the father, and that he gets his scary stories from the original Native American tribes. It keeps the historical part of the stories alive. The only note I have is to make sure you put author’s notes with your future stories. I do not know anything about the legends of the Native American tribes but I cannot wait to read what you come up with. And maybe read a different perspective then the original tales. I will defiantly be coming back later to see what stories you have added in the next couple of weeks.
Collin, I think you did a great job with this introduction. Most introductions just talk about the stories that will be told. You actually launched into a story to introduce your other stories. Storyception. I can already see how you’re going to creatively tie these together. I did a portfolio because I was worried about just that. The home page looks really nice, but I wasn’t feeling a creepy story vibe on your intro page. :( Would it be possible to make the background dark, add a spooky banner pic, or move your picture up into the story? I find that a strategically placed picture can make all the difference in the overall feel of a story. I even like the creepy forest picture on your comment wall. I’m a little confused why the father writes scary stories for kids. I can imagine that Suzy is the exception to the rule, but I thought most kids wouldn’t be able to read that kind of thing. I know I certainly wasn’t allowed to read or watch scary things until I was much older. I guess my parents didn’t enjoy me taking up space in their bed after nightmares. What if he wrote stories for teens or adults and Suzy is just an incredible reader? Overall, everything is looking great. I’m excited to see what you’ll do with future stories!
Collin, You have such a creative introduction to your website. I was initially interested to see what sort of story that Suzy and her dad would be entering into, but I was very intrigued to discover that this is how you are framing the remainder of your storytelling. So clever! Perhaps to add some dramatic effect to the introduction, Suzy’s dad could tell her a brief but specific story about his interaction with one of the tribes. This could even serve as a miniature introduction to one of the specific stories. This might also add some more meaning as opposed to a list of different tribes and their historical traditions. For you first story, The Cannibal Spirit, I liked the intensity as well as the theme, about monsters being something on the outside or within us. I would like to see some more description on the police’s decision to accuse Swift Runner of being involved with the murders of his family. It seems that this whole sequence of events happens over the course of just a couple sentences. A lot of intensity and emotional involvement could be added into this section if it were even just slightly expanded. Other than that, your portfolio is looking really good! Keep up the great work.
Hey there Collin, Initially I was super glad that I came across your storybook right after reading your title. I have had a few Native American courses in the past and we had talked about the different spirits and such so I was glad I might get to not only learn a little bit more about it but your take on the subject as well. Also, I am doing a my storybook over a Native American topic so that too was a reason for me to take a deeper peek into what you have been up to. I thought your introduction was framed nicely and gave a good feel to what you might be going to talk about later in the storybook. I think maybe some more detail could be used in telling why the cops wanted to accuse Swift. Also I would have liked to have a fluid story but I'm sure your "first" story will be well worth the wait. Good luck on your future stories and I will definable be checking your page out in hopes of getting inspired for my book.
Hey Collin! This was very well done! I noticed a couple places where you forgot to capitalize the first word in your sentence, but didn’t see any major grammar errors. I really like your image! I agree with you that it fits very well with the story. It’s honestly probably even better than a real picture of Swift Runner. I like that you added the bit about the whisper. It’s very creepy. The sentence that starts out with, “After a particularly rough winter…” did not make sense to me. Could you please read back through that one and see if it needs any alterations? I liked your ending point there. Sometimes we are the monsters. Not many people know what they’re really capable of. I think you were kind of hinting at this as well, but maybe Swift Runner wasn’t even possessed. I know I get a little crazy when I’m hungry. Nicely done!
Hi Collin! First of all, I love your introduction. It's such a sweet scene surrounding such spooky stories, and I think it frames everything very nicely, as well as encourages keeping stories alive and learning from people from other cultures. Your second story about Swift Runner was awesome too. I love Wendigo stories, and the ambiguity in your version sat nicely, especially as a story being told to a six year old. I liked how that page started within the scene of the study and the fireplace, continuing that part of the story and the storytelling atmosphere. I find myself hoping that the gentle, toned down nature of the story continues in the stories to come. It might be sort of a fine line, trying to keep the truth of the creatures and stories that you're telling about, but relating to a six-year-old audience, but I think you've done that well so far, and so I think you'll do well with that on the rest.
Hey there Collin! First off, you did a really good job with your storybook. It is nice and simple and easy to get around! I do have to say that there are a couple things I would change such as adding maybe a little more content on the home page. Obviously your introduction does the heavy lifting but you should definitely put something short but sweet in there introducing us to the importance and fun facts of Native American tales! Also, on your first story it would be nice if you could center the picture it is killing my OCD haha. Second, I love the way you are presenting these stories! Your storybook is like of an actual story book in a way with the father telling the stories to little Suzy. I love it when people in this class really think outside of the box and manage to impress me with how they present their projects! I am really excited to see how the rest of the stories pan out from here!
Hey Collin! I’ve been to your page before, and I’ve been excited for you to write your second (first?) story. Also, you’ve still got the note on the cannibal story letting people know it’ll be your second story. I’m not sure if it was intentional to leave it. The title of the story is “Little People of the Forst.” Is forst supposed to be forest? Or is this a cultural/dialect thing I’m missing? I didn’t find this story to be conventionally scary, but like your character said, you’re starting off with a less scary one for Suzy. I like that you did try to include details about the spirits to make them a little creepy. It might have been scarier if they killed or punished the children who chose wrong. You said in your author’s note that the picture wasn’t exactly what you were looking for, but I think it fits perfectly. I still wish you would push the image in your intro up into the text instead of having it at the bottom. Excellent writing and creativity as usual. Thanks for sharing!
This is my first time checking in on your project. I must say, I think that it looks very great and visually pleasing. It looks very professional, and everything is organized in a very nice fashion. I really appreciated the amount of effort you put into your introduction. I think this was the first intro that I read that contained so much detail and background information. It is like you included another story within the intro itself, and I thought that was awesome. You continued to build upon your great start with two very descriptive and awesome stories. I was not familiar with any of the stories from previous projects, and I thought it was refreshing to read something completely new. I honestly have no criticisms of your storybook. I think everything looks great, and I am sure you will continue to build upon this great project. I am looking forward to the next story!
The introduction to your Storybook is interesting, allowing the readers to understand what they are getting them into. Integrating a story into your introduction provides a foundation of what is to come for the rest of the stories you're going to publish. The way that these stories are being narrated provides a nostalgic essence to me, since it is a father telling his daughter story, despite the fact that it isn't fairy tales being told, but scary stories. The only criticism that I have is to provide us more imagery so that we're able to picture what is going on, rather than just read what is going on! Otherwise, good job, and keep up the good work!
I'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project! I really like Native American folklore in general, and I think the way you employed it is absolutely genius. Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The dialogue was one of the best aspects of your stories that helped the reader feel connected, in my opinion. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps include more imagery so that the reader can visualize better what is transpiring in the stories. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your project!
Collin, I’ve read your project a few times, and I’ve always been impressed with the creativity and writing. I’m not sure if you intended to carry over the last paragraph from “The Blackest Shadow Part 1” to part 2, but I think it will help readers to keep their place in the story. I’m really glad that you split this one into two parts. If you had tried to shorten it by taking out details, it wouldn’t have been so amazing. I loved the build up of the Nalusa Falaya. You definitely had the suspense going, especially with the part right before the mother/wife shows up. You had me on the edge of my seat. And I’m not going to lie, I teared up at the end. I was so impressed that you circled all of this back to Suzy and her mom and explaining why she enjoys the scary stories. You explained this very well in your author’s note and I agree that the message was subtle. I’m sorry that I have no advice/constructive criticism for you! Great job with your project and good luck with your finals!
You have done a really great job on your project this semester. I really like the layout of your website, it goes well with your theme of Monsters of Native Americans. The Black backdrop was a good choice. I really liked your stories that you had. You did a really good job with your dialogue between charatcers, and also a nice job of formatting that dialogue. This makes the story much better and more enjoyable to read. Also, it gives the reader an opportunity to see the characters in their true self. I liked the way that you took the original story and made it something of your own. You did a really good job on all of this. I enjoyed getting a chance to look through your project and have the opportunity to comment on it.
Hey, Collin, first of all, I love the layout you chose for your storybook page. The full moon picture is intriguing and lends itself well to the theme of your storybook. Your introduction is great. It is a good lead-in and definitely makes me want to read more. I like the concept of the stories being told by a father to his daughter because for the most part, Native American traditions are passed down through oral storytelling - so the dad telling the stories to the daughter follows that tradition perfectly. A few notes, first - a little editing goes a long way. There are just a couple typos and a few grammar errors that can distract the reader and take away from your otherwise wonderful storytelling. The only other suggestion I have would be to add just a bit more description of the setting; you are off to a good start but just a few lines about "ghostly apparitions dancing in the firelight," or something like that would set the tone for the ghostly stories to come. Other than those minor things I think you are off to a fantastic start!
ReplyDeleteHi Collin! Brianica accidentally left this post on someone else's comment wall but "Suzy"shows it is meant for you, so I'm pasting it in here:
ReplyDelete========
Brianica Steenbock
Your topic sounded like it would be interesting, which is why I choose to read your introduction. I just got done reading the first post to your final project. Let me start off by saying you did a very good job of introducing your characters to the audience and grabbing the reader’s attention. I am very interested to hear the type of stories that little Suzy’s father will tell her. From the reader’s perspective, I think your introduction did a very good job. The only thing I find myself wishing you would have included was histories. I feel like the father is a historian in some manner and would have given the reader a little bit more information on how these tales originated. One thing that wasn’t quite clear to me is if Suzy is a child or not. You said that her mother died “when she was a child”, so if she a teen?Either way, you have done a great job.
Hey Collin! I thought the graphic design of your project is perfect. The black and white mixed with the moon truly sets the mood for the scary stories to come. What I really liked about your introduction was the description of how spooky it was yet how unaffected her and the dad were. I think this is a good way to express that they themselves aren't in the scary scenes but this allows for them to explain the horror in upcoming stories. One thing I was wondering is if you could possibly make one of the ghost stories about her mom dying. I think if you wanted to somehow make a native american ghost story about the mom it could be entertaining. I was also wondering if the two have any history to Native Americans themselves. What if you wrote a story about them writing a story together that turned into a horror story (a storyception as one might call it). Overall great work on this and can't wait to continue reading your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Collin,
ReplyDeleteI really like the dark look your front page has. I wonder if it would carry the creepy mood into the introduction and stories if you reversed your colors, using a black background and white or light grey text. Your introduction has me interested, I really enjoyed the concept of a father retelling scary stories to his daughter. Curious to see how the actual stories will be presented. Are they going to be told as if the dad is narrating with Suzy interrupting, or will each be told as if the person who the story originated from is speaking? Your intro reads really well and is well written, but feels a little short, like something might be missing. More background on Suzy and her father, or more about the people he visited might add a little something to prepare readers for the stories. Overall, you’ve done a great job and I’m looking forward to reading more from you.
Hi Collin!
ReplyDeleteWow, I am really impressed with your introduction. It's fun and easy to read and sets the scene for the upcoming stories very well. I especially like the father/daughter relationship, which is very sweet, set against the dark and scary mood that comes with ghost stories. Also, you've done a great job mixing dialogue and description, making for a lively, detailed story. I think adding a dark/moody picture at the top of your introduction might help complement the tone of the dark hallway and shadows right from the beginning. If you were looking to add anything to the introduction, you might think about including a short description of the lands that the father traveled to. Knowing the sights, smells, and sounds of the places where the stories are from might help the reader to construct a more complete mental image when you tell the stories themselves. Again, I really enjoyed reading your introduction and am excited to see the rest of this Storybook!
Hello Collin! I hope you are doing well. My initial thought to the layout on your main page was that it is very beautiful. I like the dark essence of the background and the way it goes with your title. I am also a fan of the night sky so that plays its part also. I only have one critique on your intro and that is that there are two spaces between “north” and “and” towards the end of your story. There are a couple other areas where there might be two spaces between words also. Other than that, I have all positive things to say about your introduction. It is very well written. I could read it all in one setting without getting bored or multitasking with something else. It kept my attention and that is a major part of storytelling. I look forward to reading your stories in the upcoming weeks!
ReplyDeleteHey Collin hows it going man. I really liked the layout of your page. While first reading your story, I was wondering if maybe one of the stories she heard came to life and maybe something real was gonna come for her, and I guess that is still a possible direction, but now I am more interested in the stories of the Native people. I am curious as to what legends you'll write about and how stories like the Wendigo differ from the stories I currently know about them.
ReplyDeleteHi Collin! You chose such a creative topic! Native American ghost stories must be so interesting and I can't wait to read them! Your blog is set up so nicely and the picture you used really help set the tone. The one on the home page is great but where is the one for the introduction? A good one might be of Suzy's father's study with the leather chair and the fire place. Usually those have a little darker lighting so I think that would keep with that spooky aesthetic if that is what you are going for. Your introduction was great! It was short and sweet and introduced us to everything we needed to know. Are we going to learn more about Suzy and her father or will we just be hearing the ghost stories? Either way I think this will be such a good Storybook! Can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Collin. This introduction for a storybook project has become my favorite!! You have done an amazing job. You started off with some basic information about your main characters and then went straight into what your future stories were going to be about. Even though you don’t give us much information about Suzy mom dying, I don’t feel it is portent to the future of the story. I really like the Indian Jones feeling from the father, and that he gets his scary stories from the original Native American tribes. It keeps the historical part of the stories alive. The only note I have is to make sure you put author’s notes with your future stories. I do not know anything about the legends of the Native American tribes but I cannot wait to read what you come up with. And maybe read a different perspective then the original tales. I will defiantly be coming back later to see what stories you have added in the next couple of weeks.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteCollin, I think you did a great job with this introduction. Most introductions just talk about the stories that will be told. You actually launched into a story to introduce your other stories. Storyception. I can already see how you’re going to creatively tie these together. I did a portfolio because I was worried about just that. The home page looks really nice, but I wasn’t feeling a creepy story vibe on your intro page. :( Would it be possible to make the background dark, add a spooky banner pic, or move your picture up into the story? I find that a strategically placed picture can make all the difference in the overall feel of a story. I even like the creepy forest picture on your comment wall. I’m a little confused why the father writes scary stories for kids. I can imagine that Suzy is the exception to the rule, but I thought most kids wouldn’t be able to read that kind of thing. I know I certainly wasn’t allowed to read or watch scary things until I was much older. I guess my parents didn’t enjoy me taking up space in their bed after nightmares. What if he wrote stories for teens or adults and Suzy is just an incredible reader? Overall, everything is looking great. I’m excited to see what you’ll do with future stories!
Collin,
ReplyDeleteYou have such a creative introduction to your website. I was initially interested to see what sort of story that Suzy and her dad would be entering into, but I was very intrigued to discover that this is how you are framing the remainder of your storytelling. So clever!
Perhaps to add some dramatic effect to the introduction, Suzy’s dad could tell her a brief but specific story about his interaction with one of the tribes. This could even serve as a miniature introduction to one of the specific stories. This might also add some more meaning as opposed to a list of different tribes and their historical traditions.
For you first story, The Cannibal Spirit, I liked the intensity as well as the theme, about monsters being something on the outside or within us. I would like to see some more description on the police’s decision to accuse Swift Runner of being involved with the murders of his family. It seems that this whole sequence of events happens over the course of just a couple sentences. A lot of intensity and emotional involvement could be added into this section if it were even just slightly expanded.
Other than that, your portfolio is looking really good! Keep up the great work.
Hey there Collin,
ReplyDeleteInitially I was super glad that I came across your storybook right after reading your title. I have had a few Native American courses in the past and we had talked about the different spirits and such so I was glad I might get to not only learn a little bit more about it but your take on the subject as well. Also, I am doing a my storybook over a Native American topic so that too was a reason for me to take a deeper peek into what you have been up to. I thought your introduction was framed nicely and gave a good feel to what you might be going to talk about later in the storybook. I think maybe some more detail could be used in telling why the cops wanted to accuse Swift. Also I would have liked to have a fluid story but I'm sure your "first" story will be well worth the wait. Good luck on your future stories and I will definable be checking your page out in hopes of getting inspired for my book.
Hey Collin! This was very well done! I noticed a couple places where you forgot to capitalize the first word in your sentence, but didn’t see any major grammar errors. I really like your image! I agree with you that it fits very well with the story. It’s honestly probably even better than a real picture of Swift Runner. I like that you added the bit about the whisper. It’s very creepy. The sentence that starts out with, “After a particularly rough winter…” did not make sense to me. Could you please read back through that one and see if it needs any alterations? I liked your ending point there. Sometimes we are the monsters. Not many people know what they’re really capable of. I think you were kind of hinting at this as well, but maybe Swift Runner wasn’t even possessed. I know I get a little crazy when I’m hungry. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteHi Collin! First of all, I love your introduction. It's such a sweet scene surrounding such spooky stories, and I think it frames everything very nicely, as well as encourages keeping stories alive and learning from people from other cultures. Your second story about Swift Runner was awesome too. I love Wendigo stories, and the ambiguity in your version sat nicely, especially as a story being told to a six year old. I liked how that page started within the scene of the study and the fireplace, continuing that part of the story and the storytelling atmosphere. I find myself hoping that the gentle, toned down nature of the story continues in the stories to come. It might be sort of a fine line, trying to keep the truth of the creatures and stories that you're telling about, but relating to a six-year-old audience, but I think you've done that well so far, and so I think you'll do well with that on the rest.
ReplyDeleteHey there Collin!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you did a really good job with your storybook. It is nice and simple and easy to get around! I do have to say that there are a couple things I would change such as adding maybe a little more content on the home page. Obviously your introduction does the heavy lifting but you should definitely put something short but sweet in there introducing us to the importance and fun facts of Native American tales! Also, on your first story it would be nice if you could center the picture it is killing my OCD haha.
Second, I love the way you are presenting these stories! Your storybook is like of an actual story book in a way with the father telling the stories to little Suzy. I love it when people in this class really think outside of the box and manage to impress me with how they present their projects! I am really excited to see how the rest of the stories pan out from here!
Hey Collin! I’ve been to your page before, and I’ve been excited for you to write your second (first?) story. Also, you’ve still got the note on the cannibal story letting people know it’ll be your second story. I’m not sure if it was intentional to leave it. The title of the story is “Little People of the Forst.” Is forst supposed to be forest? Or is this a cultural/dialect thing I’m missing? I didn’t find this story to be conventionally scary, but like your character said, you’re starting off with a less scary one for Suzy. I like that you did try to include details about the spirits to make them a little creepy. It might have been scarier if they killed or punished the children who chose wrong. You said in your author’s note that the picture wasn’t exactly what you were looking for, but I think it fits perfectly. I still wish you would push the image in your intro up into the text instead of having it at the bottom. Excellent writing and creativity as usual. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Collin!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time checking in on your project. I must say, I think that it looks very great and visually pleasing. It looks very professional, and everything is organized in a very nice fashion. I really appreciated the amount of effort you put into your introduction. I think this was the first intro that I read that contained so much detail and background information. It is like you included another story within the intro itself, and I thought that was awesome. You continued to build upon your great start with two very descriptive and awesome stories. I was not familiar with any of the stories from previous projects, and I thought it was refreshing to read something completely new. I honestly have no criticisms of your storybook. I think everything looks great, and I am sure you will continue to build upon this great project. I am looking forward to the next story!
Collin,
ReplyDeleteThe introduction to your Storybook is interesting, allowing the readers to understand what they are getting them into. Integrating a story into your introduction provides a foundation of what is to come for the rest of the stories you're going to publish. The way that these stories are being narrated provides a nostalgic essence to me, since it is a father telling his daughter story, despite the fact that it isn't fairy tales being told, but scary stories. The only criticism that I have is to provide us more imagery so that we're able to picture what is going on, rather than just read what is going on! Otherwise, good job, and keep up the good work!
Cassidy
Hey Collin!
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project! I really like Native American folklore in general, and I think the way you employed it is absolutely genius. Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The dialogue was one of the best aspects of your stories that helped the reader feel connected, in my opinion. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps include more imagery so that the reader can visualize better what is transpiring in the stories. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your project!
Collin, I’ve read your project a few times, and I’ve always been impressed with the creativity and writing. I’m not sure if you intended to carry over the last paragraph from “The Blackest Shadow Part 1” to part 2, but I think it will help readers to keep their place in the story. I’m really glad that you split this one into two parts. If you had tried to shorten it by taking out details, it wouldn’t have been so amazing. I loved the build up of the Nalusa Falaya. You definitely had the suspense going, especially with the part right before the mother/wife shows up. You had me on the edge of my seat. And I’m not going to lie, I teared up at the end. I was so impressed that you circled all of this back to Suzy and her mom and explaining why she enjoys the scary stories. You explained this very well in your author’s note and I agree that the message was subtle. I’m sorry that I have no advice/constructive criticism for you! Great job with your project and good luck with your finals!
ReplyDeleteHi Collin,
ReplyDeleteYou have done a really great job on your project this semester. I really like the layout of your website, it goes well with your theme of Monsters of Native Americans. The Black backdrop was a good choice. I really liked your stories that you had. You did a really good job with your dialogue between charatcers, and also a nice job of formatting that dialogue. This makes the story much better and more enjoyable to read. Also, it gives the reader an opportunity to see the characters in their true self. I liked the way that you took the original story and made it something of your own. You did a really good job on all of this. I enjoyed getting a chance to look through your project and have the opportunity to comment on it.
Brooks